Matt Cook	James Joyce He was stupid He didn't know as much as me I'd rather throw dead batteries at cows than read him Everything was going fine before he came along He started the Civil War He tried to get the French involved, but they wouldn't listen They filled him up with desserts He talked about all the great boxers that came from Ireland Like he trained them or something Then he started reading some of his stuff Right as we told him to get lost He brought up the potato famine We said "Your potatoes are plenty good" "Deal with it" "Work it out somehow" Then he said "America must adopt the metric system, it's much more logical" We said "No ! We like our rulers, go away" Thomas Jefferson said you always get the rulers you deserve